400 words about Scuba Diving

By Brigid Kennedy

SOMEWHERE IN THE MEDITERRANEAN SEA — Keep breathing.

Whatever you do, keep breathing.

Innnnn and outtttt, innnn and outtttt …

Okay! Okay, wow. This isn’t so bad! I think I’m getting the hang of … WAIT YOU STOPPED BREATHING? QUICK! KEEP BREATHING OR YOUR LUNGS WILL EXPLODE OH MY —

Innnnn and outtttt.

Wow. That was close. Too close. Innnnn and outtttt.

Oh god, the instructor’s looking at me. It’s definitely because this wetsuit makes me look fat. Does this wetsuit make me look fat? I hate that I can’t talk with this regulator in my mouth or I would ask Megan. This wetsuit for sure makes me look fat.

Now he’s motioning something at me. At least I think it’s at me? Jose’s over there looking at that starfish and Megan is floating below me, so it has to be me, right? Should I wave? Is a peace sign too weird? I’ll just wave.

Innnnn and outtttt.

Alright, so a wave’s not what he wanted cause he’s still looking at me. Do I have something in my teeth? Why is this Spanish man looking at me? I told them my wetsuit wasn’t the right size, and WAIT KEEP BREATHING OH MY GOD —

Innnnn and outtttt.

He’s coming closer. I must be doing something wrong. Maybe my buoyancy isn’t correct? Uh, OK, I’ll let some air out of my BCD just to be sure. I’m sinking, I’m sinking … OK, that feels better. Oh this feels good. This is great! Why didn’t I let that air out earlier?

Innnnn and outtttt.

I wonder how all these fish feel with us swimming through here like this. They probably hate it. Imagine if a bunch of giants just came stomping through your house every day. That would suck. Ugh, I feel bad for these fish. Did I just hit that one with my fin?

Innnnn and outtttt.

Why doesn’t the Atlantic Ocean look like this? I’m moving here. I’m moving here and I’m buying a house on the beach and becoming a super fit scuba diver who speaks perfect Spanish and doesn’t need help getting her air tank on and off. Everyone will call me Ariel and I’ll sprout a mermaid tail and gills. Books about books about books about me will be written.

Innnnn and outtttt.

And I will not need this god damn wet suit that makes me look fat.

Editor’s note: This story is part of our September 2016 series ‘Hundreds of Words about Location: Where are you, and how does it affect how you see the world?’

 

Brigid Kennedy lives in New York, hails from Pittsburgh and studies television, radio, and film. Her passions include storytelling (both written and visual), comedy and breakfast food. Say hi at brigidkenned@gmail.com.

Read Hundreds of Words by Brigid Kennedy here


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